Wishing for Goodbye
by Junona
Summary: A followup of the much liked 'Jesse's Letter'. Just this time different implications.


To: Cavalry Command Headquarters

Planet Yuma

Ramrod Equalizer Unit

Hand in to the Tin Star in charge

Yo, Tin Stars. Greetings from Hell.

My doctors say that this time I'm not going to get up from my deathbed and walk away a king of the hill; seems my cat-luck has expired, after all. They must be right; they studied hard for their diploma. So, since you're now reading this, it means they were right, even though I hate to admit the fact, but a pierced lung floating with blood is a good argument for the medical personnel. Never wander around an occupied base without wearing your armour 'cause you never know where a stray bullet is waiting for you! And pardon my jumpy handwriting and occasional mistakes but I wanted to write this myself. So, here it goes.

My last will

In –hopefully- alphabetical order:

April, at first I thought to leave you all the letters I had written to you during these five years, and that would make a few hundreds of them, but then I realized how pathetic that would be. That you should read all that whining… That's not how I want to be remembered. Jean Claude is burning them in my presence now, when I'm writing it, and he'll be the one to witness this document. Everyone else on this base is either trying to lick one's wounds or is busy with trying to survive. Like one philosopher, his name escaped my mind, said, we are born alone and we die alone; I just wish Jean Claude wouldn't make so much bloody noise! And so, I'm leaving you my Badlander. It's a mecha based on the newest inventions of the Outriders and I'm sure you're a smart girl to make use of the fact. Jean Claude will take care of shipping it to Yuma when I'm gone. This treason is just a drop in the ocean from my perspective and, for what I care, Outriders must be defeated.

Colt, I understand that Badlander is the thing you wanted badly, but this can't be helped now. I leave you a tape. On it, you'll find out what had happened to the star cruiser, yes, the one with your parents aboard. It's been my priciest possession that I turned on when I felt completely desperate, and since that was my frequent state, the tape's pretty worn out. When you finish with watching it, you might realize the Outriders weren't that bad after all. They came in reply of an S.O.S. signal to aid when the star cruiser started malfunctioning due to sabotage aboard. Details are recorded. Enjoy.

Commander Eagle, I leave you the most precious thing in the whole universe- peace of mind. Treat it wisely.

Fireball, I leave you my eternal hatred. You know why, you all do. The fact that April picked you over me had been stuck like a fish-bone in my throat for all those years, not allowing me to swallow my pride and walk away in dignity. I'm about to meet my Creator and I should leave with peaceful heart, forgiving and forgiven, but I can't. If the fact of my death is any comfort to you, I'm glad, you can have it.

General Whitehawk, in case you're wondering what had happened to Ramrod-III plans and models, they're securely buried by the foot of the heads of Moa (I can imagine now the faces of the company present, now when I have disclosed your biggest secret, but this is my last insolent behaviour, so please bear with me, I need something sweet during this bitter occasion). I made a few suggestions in pencil that you might want to reconsider. And thank you for patience and kindness. You have always treated me as a human being and not a pile of garbage. You understood me like no other person, even myself, ever would and you wisely kept that in silence for yourself. You knew this day will come, and you have been waiting with your patience of Job. Only now I understand that, I, who thought himself to be able to understand everything in this life. Ain't that amusing? I'd chuckle, if it wouldn't hurt so badly. Thank you, and goodbye.

Saber, I know you're too dignified to accept anything from me- which makes me like you even better 'cause we're quite identical in this aspect- so take my advise: do only what's important. Always do what's really important. And throw the rest outside the board. You might find life unexpectedly easier when you stop experiencing Worldschmertz. Let them find another hero for being responsible for the whole universe, you are not fit for that. Get married, have children.

In case some day we might meet on the other side, bring some good old Earth wine. I'm going to miss it.

_Jesse Blue_

January 26, Tuesday, 15.20 local Metheus time, Jesse Blue died from the excessive loss of blood. His remains, according to his last wish, will be cremated and the ashes will be spilled over the mountains of Nebraska. The death notice, signed and confirmed, is enclosed.

Jean Claude

Written September 10, 2005

Edited October 19, 2005


End file.
